just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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