So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
