There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
