You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
