Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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