just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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