Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
