I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
please come you make the beer taste better
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
