please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
