Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
