I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
