I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
