Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
