yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
