In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
