Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
