Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
