just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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