I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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