I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
