Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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