So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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