Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
