Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
