If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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