I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
