at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
