Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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