I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
