He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
