'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
