farters have to be the big spoon...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
