If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
