He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
