Where is the hickey?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
