I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
