well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
