How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
