No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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