dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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