I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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