NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
