i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
