dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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