lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
