How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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