I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
