Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
