I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
