I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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