Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
