For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
