why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
