I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i think i just lost a toe
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
