Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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