drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
