around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
