I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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