their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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