You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
